It Is About Time: Microsoft Retires Windows 3.x

November 6, 2008

Many of you may have missed the news due to some sort of election that was held recently, but on November 1, 2008, Microsoft officially stopped issuing licenses for Windows 3.x. (story via news.bbc.co.uk). It’s EULA-gy read:

Windows 3.x required an 8086/8088 processor or better that had a clock speed of up to 10MHz. It needed at least 640KB of RAM, seven megabytes of hard drive space, and a graphics card that supported CGA, EGA and VGA graphics. Windows 3.x is survived my it children Windows 95, ME, XP and Vista (who could not be reached for comment due to compatibility issues).

I have seen reports that Windows 3.x customers everywhere are now in a state of sadness and panic. One former Windows 3.x user was detained for questioning after “allegedly” trying to bootleg the OS onto toaster ovens. Microsoft will begin forming support groups (though not technical support) for those who now believe their life is over because of the death of Windows 3.x to help them better cope with new technology.

Yes, it is a sad day indeed. Microsoft is expected to release a statement today encouraging users to make the leap and upgrade to Windows 95 and regrets to inform users looking for a loophole that the downgrade option from Vista to 3.x is out of the question.

There are reports starting to surface through the interweb that Windows 3.1 will be returning to join the rock band KISS on their new tour “Yes, Retirement Still Sucks and We Know There is Still Money to Be Made Despite Current Media Induced Economic Conditions, Part IV”.

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